i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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