Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
