So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
