There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
