Can i not drive my cunt home
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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