Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
