we have pet lesbian snakes
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
