Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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