Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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