i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
