i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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