the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Randomize
