I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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