he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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