I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
