I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
