And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
