do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
