if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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