i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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