she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
