I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
