Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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