I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
