he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
