took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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