He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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