Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
