well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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