We won't sleep together?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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