once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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