do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
