I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
