yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
