why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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