I think I died a long time ago.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
