There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
