Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
