your thong is hanging out like whoa
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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