she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
