It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
