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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
