Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
being pregnant is like rehab
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Enjoy the penises
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
