Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
