Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
