no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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