hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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