Pants 0. Shit 1.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
