I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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