Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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