My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
