I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
