I can't watch pbs sober anymore
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
