We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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