How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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