Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
